Marg Helgenberger is now the single hot old chick from CSI

Marg Helgenberger (CSI) and her husband of 19 years Alan Rosenberg have separated, according to People:

“After 19 years of marriage, Marg and Alan have decided to take some time apart,” the actress’s rep said Monday. “They love and respect each other and remain committed to their family.”

These pictures aren’t the greatest, but Marg Helgenberger has to be one of the hottest old broads on television. And I say that with all due respect to the elderly. Also, she’s on the only decent version of CSI that doesn’t make me feel like I’ve been pummeled in the face with dumb. No, really, have you ever watched CSI: Miami? Whoever told David Caruso he can act needs to be shot with a cannon. “Look at me! I’m taking off my sunglasses. One Emmy, please.”

Oh yeah, I went there.

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The Superficial Wants to Botox You in the Face - Officially Ends!

****NO LONGER TAKING SUBMISSIONS****

Alright, guys, huge thanks for competing in our Botox giveway. Once we sift through this gargantuan pile of comments, we’ll be posting the winning caption right here on the site. In the meantime, feel free to scope out what your fellow readers came up with - or maybe even hook them up with the name of a good therapist. Just sayin’.

Thanks again to everyone that submitted a caption!

****NO LONGER TAKING SUBMISSIONS****

With the holiday season rapidly approaching, nobody cares more about you looking awesome than The Superficial. No, really, that’s science. Which is why we’re offering you a chance to win $500 towards Botox treatment at a physician near you. (And, sorry, Sharon Stone, you can’t use it on your son’s feet..)

Starting Monday, Nov. 24 until 12 PM PST Monday, Dec. 1, here’s all you gotta do to enter:

1. Come up with a caption for the top photo.
2. Post it in the comment section along with a valid e-mail address which will NOT be published or used to sell you Mexican Viagra.
3. Think happy thoughts.

From there our crack team will pick the best caption with the winner receiving the aforementioned Botox goodness. To sweeten the pot, the winner will also be eligible to appear in a before/after post on The Superficial which, let’s be real, kicks the crap out of winning the lottery. (Don’t want your beautiful mug plastered on the Internet? No problem. We’ll still give you the free Botox. Who loves ya?)

Let the Games Begin!

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Britney Spears still being airbrushed, speaking

Britney Spears continues her media blitzkrieg in the January issue of Glamour. In it, Britney talks about winning the VMAs, teaching her boys to respect women and finding a new husband:

On the past year and winning three VMAs:
“This whole year has been a hell of a year for me. I have been working so hard on my album, but…I didn’t know exactly where I stood with everyone. When I received the awards and [the audience] stood for me, it showed me how much love is out there.”

On being confident about her body after having kids:
“I’m getting there. Recently I started to appreciate my body a bit more from before I had kids. But it completely changed, and I have had to work hard at getting it back to where it used to be…. I used to be obsessed with working out…. But I can’t get motivated right now because I’m so focused on my music.”

On teaching her boys how to treat women:
“Hopefully they will respect me by the way I carry myself, and in doing that, they will know how to respect other women.”

On the most popular misconception people have of her:
“I don’t like going out. I hate clubs. I hate being around too many people. I love my home and staying in bed and watching Dancing With the Stars or reading a Danielle Steel novel. I’m kind of boring.”

On the future:
“I would love to have a lot of albums under my belt. And a couple of movies…. In five years I would like to be married and have a father figure for my kids, someone who is a provider and can be really stable. It’s hard doing it on your own.”

To complement this bullshit bonanza - Did she seriously just say she reads?? - I added pics of Britney getting in a car yesterday in Manhattan. Not sure why exactly she’s entering the vehicle like a three-year-old but, at this point, she might as well put a “Coming Soon” sign on her crotch. We are rapidly approaching V-Day, people. Trust me; I can feel these things. Not literally, of course. (There were lawsuits.)

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Ginger Spice goes commando at children’s awards

Geri Halliwell/Ginger Spice had a slight wardrobe malfunction yesterday on the red carpet and, hey, these things happens. Except this was at the Children’s BAFTA ceremony in London where Geri apparently felt the need to go commando. I guess she likes to feel sexy around a roomful of kids. Interesting…

Note to Self: Invite Ginger Spice to romantic dinner. “Accidentally” go to Chuck E. Cheese. Let sexy stuff happen. (Side note: If sexiness does not occur, congratulations. You’re getting pepper sprayed.) End Note.

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James Franco basically outs Sean Penn

James Franco stars with Sean Penn in the biopic Milk about gay activist Harvey Milk. In the film, James was supposed to just share a kiss with Sean. But, as a guy who wants to get deep, real deep, into a character, Sean Penn expanded the scene just a tad, according to Page Six:

“In the original script I read, there was only one real kissing scene,” Franco tells next month’s Elle. “A month after [director] Gus [Van Sant] asked me to do it, they sent me another script, and on Page 5 there was a full-on love scene. And I was like, ‘Gus, what the heck?’ He says, ‘Well, it was Sean’s idea.’ “

Seriously, folks, in this post-Brokeback Mountain Hollywood, when will actors learn that playing gay men no longer entails simply snapping your fingers and saying “Oh, no, he di’int” at the end of every scene. These days, I don’t care if it’s an extra special episode of Sesame Street, chances are the script calls for butt sex. Which explains Elmo’s new handlebar mustache.

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Instant Cashback for some

Microsoft’s Live Cashback offer just got alot better. At random people have been getting instant cashback. Just today I purchased a $499.99 Asus EEE 1002ha from Ebay and received an instant $150 back to my paypal account. Normally you have to wait 60 days to clear Cashback payment. So far no one knows the formula MS is using to decide what gives you instant Cashback savings.

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Tina Fey: Sarah Palin impression wasn’t ‘mean’ (Now with bonus scar story!)

Tina Fey is standing by her Sarah Palin impressions and claims they weren’t mean-spirited. In an interview with Barbara Walters, Tina defends her portrayal of the sassy Alaska governor who either captivated your heart or frightened the living piss out of of you. Hollyscoop reports:

Voted one of Barbara Walters “10 Most Fascinating People of 2008,” Tina told Babs: “I never did feel that we were mean to her. We stuck to a lot of things that she herself had said, and I think there is a very strange double standard because it’s a woman portraying another woman. The jokes we used to do about George W. Bush were that he was an idiot. The jokes were aggressive. No one would ever stop and say, ‘Oh, that seems kind of mean.’ “

“A very strange double standard because it’s a woman.” Oh, boy, here we go. It’s 2008, Tina, not the 1970s. Men and women are completely equal now. In fact, once my secretary brings her sweet tush in here with my coffee, I’ll bring you up to speed.

UPDATE: The AP is reporting Tina Fey’s husband has revealed how she got her scar. Apparently, a stranger walked up to her when she was five and slashed her face while she was playing outside. Jesus Christ! Tina never wanted to talk about it for fear of exploiting the situation. Wow. And she’s absolutely right, because knowing this, Tina Fey could do an impression of me where I’m a transsexual dolphin, and I’d laugh and go “That’s so me! That is sooo me.”

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US deaths in Afghanistan in November drop sharply (AP)

AP - One American serviceman died in Afghanistan in November, a dramatic drop from earlier months that the U.S. military attributed to their campaign against insurgent leaders, operations by Afghan and Pakistani forces and the onset of winter.

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Nicole Richie’s ass surprisingly exists

Let me start by saying there are several things I would feasibly believe Nicole Richie possesses:

Pirate ship.
Unicorn.
One Ring to rule them all.
Jesus’ body.

But an ass? C’mon, there’s no way these aren’t Photoshopped. And, seriously, whoever did this, Optimus Prime’s face would’ve looked more realistic back there. You know, provided he was winking and smoking a cigar like Groucho Marx. I’m a helper

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Miranda Kerr is keeping hope alive

Good news, everybody! Despite what the media has been reporting (what with its anti-single-supermodels agenda), Miranda Kerr is not—repeat, not—marrying Orlando Bloom. People reports:

A rep for Bloom’s girlfriend Miranda Kerr is knocking down a report in the Australian media Sunday that the Pirates of the Caribbean star and the model are engaged.
“The story … is completely false and misleading,” the rep says. “Miranda herself has clearly stated she is not engaged. There is nothing else to be said.”
But while they’re not making marriage plans at present, Bloom, 31, and Kerr, 25, are still very much a couple, and Kerry recently spoke about someday settling down with a special someone and having kids.

Sounds like Orlando Bloom got punked pretty hard there. You just know that Miranda probably responded to his 1,000th whiny request to marry him with a, “Hmmm…maybe,” then after he bragged to all his buddies and about it and leaked it to the press, she sent her publicist out there to shoot him down. She probably plays all sorts of similar pranks on him, like “Got your nose” and “Hid your medication.” She just seems cool like that.

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