You’d think bikini pictures of Alicia Keys would be all kinds of crazy hot with maybe some sexy piano-playing thrown in for good measure. Turns out you, and more importantly me, would be horribly mistaken. Here’s Alicia at a hotel pool in Australia just chowing down, checking her Blackberry and generally being the exact opposite of erotic. I mean, would it kill her to do some seductive kazoo playing? Two spoons clanging together? Christ, there’s a fork and some glasses right next to you. Regale me, dammit!